Podcasts

How a 66-Day Sober Challenge Changed my Life – with Tribe Sober’s Claire B

If I had to describe a typical Tribe member then I would pick a woman in her 40s or 50s – a successful career woman with a family. Nobody would dream that this woman had a problem with alcohol but in fact, she’s been worried about her drinking for years.

My podcast guest this week pretty much fits that profile -Tribe member, Claire B.

In this Episode

Claire’s parents didn’t drink much so her first experience of drinking was as a teenager – 18^th birthday parties – vodkas and a sweet concentrated orange juice were her drinks
As she says, she went straight for the hard stuff but of course, had to add sweetened orange juice to make it palatable, just as I did with my whisky and coke
As a trainee nurse, Claire would drink when she went out but would never drink alone and it was not problematic in those days
In her early 20s Claire moved from the UK to SA and was struck by the drinking culture – wine at lunchtime and in fact she celebrated her first birthday in SA with a champagne breakfast!
She embraced this culture and thought it was great!
The first time she began to worry about her drinking was in her late 20s when she came home from a very boozy lunch and found herself wanting to have another glass of wine
That became a habit for Claire – going out for drinks and then carrying on the party alone when she got home
She realised that like so many of us she didn’t have an “off” button – that’s definitely a red flag, as is drinking alone
Other warning signs are regularly drinking more than the low-risk limits which are just one and a half bottles of wine a week, trying (and failing) to cut down, again and again – also when all your social activities revolve around alcohol…
I asked Claire if she tried to cut down or set rules for her drinking – she explained that she wanted someone else to set rules for her – she was actually looking for a reason to stop drinking
She thought she’d found one when she relocated to China as she wasn’t expecting alcohol to be so readily available and she remembered welcoming that situation
However, she found that alcohol was available and in fact, she drank a lot during her 3 years there
She found herself engineering situations where she could drink and as she said, the subject took up “a lot of her bandwidth”
People often ask me if they are drinking too much – I explain that if they are thinking about it, even if it’s a niggling thought at the back of their mind, then that’s probably a sign that they should take action, even if they are not drinking huge amounts
Quite simply, if it’s on your mind, you’ll be happier without it!
Those of us who’ve spent years trying and failing to moderate know only too well that it takes up far too much mental space – and when we get sober we can find peace
Claire tried the odd alcohol-free challenge but found the thought of quitting drinking forever extremely scary
She began to feel that there were 2 Claires – the sensible one and the other one who was egging her on to drink more
Many of us experience this inner struggle between our rational conscious mind and our subconscious which is holding limiting beliefs about alcohol
Limiting beliefs like “we can’t have fun, relax or socialize” without it
Beliefs which are the result of decades of exposure to marketing and peer pressure convince us that alcohol is essential to a happy life!
Claire and I both drank for decades and agreed that our neural pathways for drinking were more like Superhighways than pathways!
When we start to build our alcohol-free lives, we want to replace that Superhighway with an alcohol-free pathway which will in turn become a Superhighway if we stick to our sobriety and continue to do that work
Claire came up with a lovely analogy that her sobriety was like a garden, and just like a garden, is never finished and it takes work – just like her sobriety
If someone asks her advice about a family member who might be drinking too much she’s not afraid to point out red flags
I so agree with her that we should speak openly rather than just say, “Oh, I’m sure they are fine,” which is the usual response from people
That’s why I’m so grateful to Tribe members like Claire and others who have come on this podcast to share their stories
It means people can hear that having a problem with alcohol does not mean that we are like the homeless tramp which society likes to portray as the alcoholic
They can hear that people with a problem are just like them – and more importantly, that it is possible to make a change and to be so much happier and healthier without alcohol
Claire is quite sporty and as she got into her late 40s and 50s she would often take a break from alcohol for a few weeks to prepare for a race – but always went back to drinking
One day she heard me talking on the radio about our Sober Spring – a 66-day challenge we do every year and it appealed to her because she loves a Challenge
So she signed up but was not really planning to participate in the chat groups and soon she realized that she always told her students they must comment and participate in their online forums
So Claire decided to participate in the groups and in fact, she threw the book at it – she listened to a podcast a day and followed all our recommendations
We’ve discovered over the years that it’s the people who stay connected with the community are the ones who succeed – connection really is the opposite of addiction
As Claire put it she went into the Tribe Sober experience lock stock and barrel – that’s the way to do it!
It’s no good tinkering around the edges of sobriety – a short break here, another challenge there – we have to treat it like a project, a job and make it our priority for those first few months
Claire realized early on that she would be continuing her sobriety beyond 66 days so she aimed for 100 days and then 6 months which many of our challengers do
It’s important to avoid the overwhelm which comes from the F word (the Forever word) so small steps are the way to do it
Of course, Claire would get triggers to drink now and again but she kept herself on track by reminding herself how far she had come, and how she wasn’t prepared to lose the progress she’d made
She loved the Tribe Sober community and felt that some of the members had seen inside her own head – she so enjoyed mixing with people who really “got it”
That’s exactly what you need when you are starting out on this journey – people who get it – your drinking buddies will tell you that you are boring and your sensible friends will tell you to just cut down a bit!
You need people who understand the struggle!
I asked Claire how she sustains her sobriety now that her first year has passed – she stays connected with Tribe Sober, goes to our coffee meetups and participates online, she listens to the podcast and reads the quitlit
In other words, she tends her sobriety garden which is so important – we love it when our members stay connected
After all, ditching the booze is only 10% of this journey – 90% is building a life you don’t want to escape from and that’s exactly what Claire is doing, as well as inspiring and encouraging newbies
I loved hearing Claire say that she “owned” her sobriety and was happy to talk about it with anyone who asked
Her top 3 benefits are sleep, self-esteem and a feeling of peace – she realizes she no longer has to be the one starting the party of being the last person to leave!
Claire mentioned a few techniques that may be of interest to our listeners – she talked about the power of journaling. Some of us have journaled for years but others are not sure where to begin
So, we are going to run a pop-up week on a FB group to help people who want to get started on journaling – that’s at the end of August so watch this space
Straight after journaling week, we have our annual 66-day Challenge which begins on September 1^st – that’s the Challenge that got Claire started on her journey
There will be more info and sign-up pages for a journaling week and the 66-day challenge soon but if you drop me an email at janet@nulltribesober.com we’ll send you the links as soon as they are up on the website
Or perhaps Claire inspired you to join Tribe Sober with her kind words about us – I loved the way she said that our members can do things at their own pace, with no shaming, no one size fits all program – with only 400 members we really are able to offer a personal service
To sign up just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today
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