Secrets – do you have a secret? I think it is great to have a secret. Some secrets are empowering and rejuvenating. But other secrets are destructive and dark.  For me, it is better that people don’t know everything there is to know about me. That is my secret. Who I am. I am complex.

I give of myself differently to different people. And all of those different people have a different perception of who I am. Think about how you come across to the different people in YOUR life? How do you turn up for your mother, your father, your siblings, and your best friend? How do you show up for your boss, your colleagues, and your clients?

Do they know you have secrets? I am sure they too have secrets.

Secret definition: something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others; something that is not properly understood; a mystery; a valid but not commonly known or recognized method of achieving or maintaining something.

I like the middle definition – a secret is a mystery, and it remains unknown until there are but hints of it like little puffs of smoke on a hazy horizon.

“Where there is smoke, there is fire,” goes another idiom, true too to the keeping of secrets, not so? Have you ever kept a secret journal wherein you write your heart’s dreams, hopes, and desires? When I was a teenager, I had a diary with a key, but my friend found it and read it! I felt mortified!

The Mystery of Secrets

Another great mystery about secrets is that we can unravel a secret, but we may never get to the bottom of it at all. Secrets are in the soul of the owner – it is something that THEY have created, and you will never see that secret from the same point of view.

You may hear of a secret tunnel, a physical secret, but when you try to find it or follow it, you never really get to find out the reason or the end of it.

You may hear about a secret in a family – there is a black sheep in the family because there is a half-brother or stepsister who does not fit in. There may be a criminal in a family who was in prison and is how home trying to fit into society. Some families keep illness a secret such as cancer or another terminal illness because they don’t want sympathy or attention or kindness directed their way.

The secrets of addiction are rife in our society. There are so many secret addictions: gambling, sex, fetishes, sugar, eating and drinking, taking pills, smoking herbs and more. Children are increasingly addicted to gaming and the blue lights of the online world: TikTok, YouTube and Whatsapp. It is common for people with these addictions to hide them – even our children will hide their videos from their parents and lie about how long they are online or where they got a certain video. This is a sign of guilt or shame.

Dark Secrets and Light Secrets

So, these are the secrets that I don’t think it is great to have. The ones with the secrets, the secret keepers, think that they are safe with their secrets. But little do they know that their secret is showing up in their behaviour. There is a certain furtiveness about them, a sneakiness and slyness that betrays a sense of dishonesty. There is a glean in the eye, a desire to do this thing all day! Yes, keeping a secret can be seen as a form of dishonesty! Where is the real you, the authentic you, if you have an overwhelming secret that drives your daily needs?

What do you think? I mean, I keep secrets such as when I am planning to escape to a country cottage to get away from the mayhem at home, when and where I am going to walk and what I am going to do when everyone is in bed tonight. They are simply secrets because they remain unspoken.

These are the things I do to stay sane as the only female in my house! I love these secrets and when I walk on the mountains it is often just my secret that I went up there and reveled in Nature. My daily routines are almost a secret too as I am alone at home most of the day and everything that I do is mine, my secret moment.

But secrets become devious when they are habits that are unethical and we hide them from our loved ones. If your partner is stopping by the pub every night on his way home from work but he says he is working late, is that cool? Or if your partner comes home late at night, says he was working but he was actually eating out with a lady friend, is that cool?

Maybe your partner was snorting a line of cocaine in the work loos before coming home? Or cruising on the internet, gambling your savings away? These are secrets that become addictions and can then destroy homely, family structures. Some kids may develop secret friends when they befriend a homeless guy, or an animal, and they become addicted to the secret they have created. Is that cool?

Nature’s Healing Secrecy

Then, we get the secrets of nature, ever-powerful and something humanity will never know enough about. Yes, the intricate extent of universal energies is infinite. Every day, enormous forces play out in nature – on mountains, in rivers, in valleys, in savannas, in the ocean depths and in the infinity of space and beyond!

If we tune in to nature, we start to realise how tiny we are in the greater scheme of things. If we get out into nature, we find that nature heals. Think about it: most medicines come from plants and minerals and the chemistry of earthy elements. What are nature’s secrets? Have you ever tried to study nature or just read books about her wonders?

Maybe you are too wrapped up in an alcoholic secret? Do you have an alcoholic secret? By this I mean: does anyone know just how much you drink? Do you sneak drinks during the day or before and after an event? Do you slug the whiskey before a Zoom meeting or before you write that end-of-month report? Do you ever take breaks from alcohol?

According to the Executive Rehab Guide, “Secret, or hidden drinking, is common among alcoholics because they have an increased tolerance to alcohol. People who drink secretly will consume alcohol intentionally before an event.” Is this you?

Are you a Secret Drinker?

When a secret drinker hides their additional glasses of booze from loved ones or friends they make as if they are drinking the same amount as everyone else But, back at the ranch… there will be signs like empty bottles in the bin, a stale smell of booze emanating from their very cells and their sly behaviour.

Let’s check out their 10 tell-tale signs that someone has a secret drinking habit:

  1. Hiding places – hiding booze in cupboards, under the sink, in the garage and in the garden
  2. Money is needed – selling things to buy alcohol and ending up in financial difficulties
  3. ‘Pregaming’: intentional drinking before an event to hide the need for more alcohol
  4. Drinking clear liquids – filling bottles and flasks with vodka or gin to get a buzz all the time
  5. Secretive and devious behaviour – being late for meetings and important dates, forgetting things, being unreliable in relationships and acting strangely at evening events
  6. Losing interest – in friends, family, celebrations, personal events and even hygiene
  7. Losing or gaining weight – this can be dramatic and show signs something is just not right. Many alcoholics forget to eat or just cannot eat.
  8. Making excuses – when comments are made, excuses fly about the need for alcohol being a once-off, a mistake or stress; the weight loss being an illness, etc
  9. Increased tolerance – being so used to the alcohol, more is needed to have an effect
  10. Experiencing black outs – this shows a body and brain saturated in alcohol.

If any of these signs ring bells for you, try to avoid the overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. Remember that you are part of a community and there is help at hand, always.

Tribe Sober is a warm, accepting, non-judgemental community that gets you. Contact us today!

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The 11 Year Fact

Did you know that the average dependent drinker will struggle alone for 11 years before reaching out for help?

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