Published On: October 29, 20211342 words6.8 min read


Have you reached that stage in your life journey where you want to quit? Quit drinking? Quit all the things you are doing because they are just not working? Then you will be pleased to know that joining a sober community really works if you want to quit.

Sober does not only mean “not drinking”. Sober also means abstemious, calm, unhurried, subdued, moderate. I have found that being sober embraces all of these things and more. I am definitely calm, abstemious, and moderate. I avoid all conflict and confrontation and just steer my quiet needs into the quiet places, and I try to see who I really am.

The problem is that getting sober if you are a drinker is tough! And do you know what the hard lesson to be learned is? That you cannot do it alone! Many drinkers drink alone. They hide their habit and their needs. Many drinkers are introverts who really are not into being sociable but if they drink, they feel like extroverts. So, drinking makes you con yourself and your close friends and family because you are not being the real you.

Joining a sober community when you want to quit is the right thing to do. Then you will have a choice of being open and honest with all the people who really do understand you and where you are coming from.

Share your Sober Story and Space

Do you know what I have found when I shared my story with fellow sober people? I found that I am not alone. I found that I can share my story and feel NO shame and guilt. That same shame and guilt that shadowed me wherever I went in my first year of sobriety.

I suffered enormous resentment too – and do you know where that came from? It came from my shattered boundaries which lay in shreds around my feet! It is only in my 6th year of sobriety that I have picked up those pieces and re-erected my boundaries to be stable and secure for My Needs!

The benefits of being part of a sober community are immeasurable.  When drinking, the drinker forfeits holistic health – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Alcohol is poison and causes umpteen diseases and problems. Alcohol addiction removes the drinker from being in touch with his/her soul, emotions, spirituality, and physical health.

Relationships fall apart and the body becomes dis-eased. So, when a drinker finally decides to take hold of his/her life and stop drinking, he/she may very find him/herself alone. This can cause a whole new saga where depression comes to the fore. And fear, anger, real loneliness, and pain.

Joining a sober community can involve moving into a sober home. Or simply signing up with an online community like Tribe Sober, joining Whatsapp groups, and keeping in touch daily with like-minded people. Some people do very well when they join the AA or similar programs. Others prefer a group where they meet people like themselves who are simply stopping a bad habit.

Sober Homes and Communities

The Friendly House acknowledges that “having an active sober community can help an individual further his or her personal growth, by being available to be of service to other individuals who are at different stages in their recovery process. It also provides a built-in support network for an individual in recovery, as there will be various times when he or she will need help on his or her journey.”

This is so true! There is always an opportunity to reach out for help AND to reach out to others and to support them on THEIR sober journey. Helping others is a huge dopamine booster and that is a huge part of being sober. Often, addicts tend to drench their egos in their own needs. They are so caught up in the next drink or the next fix and are extremely ego-driven. Stepping away from this zone, into the zone where there are people who are far worse off is liberating.

Have you ever heard of, or considered, moving into a sober living home when you quit? This offers an opportunity for a newly sober drinker to live with others who are newly sober. There is plenty of care and understanding, and a daily program assists with getting life on track. Facing life sober can be extremely daunting for many people so this kind of environment suits those who battle with facing reality sober.

There are some facts that we need to face when we decide to get sober. One of these is to stop hiding and get out there into Real Raw Life. It is not easy! But when you get it right, it is so worth it that many sober people get a huge new lease on life and try new and wonderful jobs, hobbies, adventures and more. Look at our very own Janet Gourand for proof of this!

Human beings are social creatures. We need connection with our fellow humans on all levels, not just the superficial social level. We need emotional and spiritual connections, for sure. Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs?

Basic Human Needs

According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, the physiological need for food, water, clothing, shelter, and sleep must be satisfied first before humans can focus on more complex needs like mental and physical health, relationships, sobriety, long-term housing, and employment.

So, if we are drinking and alienating ourselves from our friends and families, we are definitely not going to be able to work, enjoy healthy relationships or sort out the meaning in our lives.

Simple Psychology explains this five-stage model which can be divided into deficiency needs and growth needs. The first four levels are often referred to as deficiency needs (D-needs), and the top-level is known as growth or being needs (B-needs). Deficiency needs arise due to deprivation and are said to motivate people when they are unmet. Also, the motivation to fulfill such needs will become stronger the longer the duration they are denied.

Psychologists agree that love and belonging are what people need most. “Connection encourages social, physical, mental, and emotional contact and healing. When others empathize with us, validate our pain or positive experiences, or find ways to soothe us when needed, we are able to develop a connection with them. We also can develop a connection with people in many other ways, such as through laughter, common interests, and being emotionally available for them. Maintaining this connection can build community and enhance relationships.”

This is according to Rehabspot in a great blog about connection – which also confirms that we need connection with ourselves and with a higher power if life is to be fulfilling. How do you connect with yourself? Get a coach to assist you to discover your purpose: uncover the trauma of life and what made you start drinking. Then make authentic connections with others and your inner needs. Get insights, heal, and find that dopamine rush you will cherish in life.

“Self-awareness creates balance and enhances our connection by allowing us to tune inward for answers. One way this can be achieved is by meditation. Meditation helps people become aware of their own thoughts, while they achieve relaxation. Meditation also helps us gain emotional stability, cultivate compassion, enhance memory, solve problems, destress, sharpen concentration, alleviate depression, improve self-talk, create an attitude of gratitude, and gain awareness of our mind and body. Journaling and creating healthy habits can additionally reveal insights about ourselves.”

Connection means Wellness

When we connect with ourselves, with others, and with a higher power, things start to happen. Life is so enriched and real that happiness ensues. Set yourself some goals and watch yourself achieve these goals. Did you know that strong social relationships and goals have these health benefits?

  • Boosted self-esteem
  • Less dis-ease
  • Less anxiety and depression
  • Reduced inflammation
  • Stronger immune system
  • More chance of longevity
  • Less chance of dementia
  • Stress relief

Take care of yourself now. Get sober. Join Tribe Sober today and feel the benefits.

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  1. Dan A October 29, 2021 at 2:57 pm

    Thanks. Thinking about the Maslow hierarchy in terms of my own recent experiences has really made me reflect upon some of the likely causes of my relapse and helped me understand some things I need to work on to prevent future slips. Great blog post!

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