Dear Alcohol,
It is time to say goodbye, finally. Now, because tomorrow is too far away. And today, right now is all I have. And all I want to have. To appreciate this time wholly, presently, consciously. And I can’t give myself to it with you in the shadows. Lurking there, waiting for the worst moment, a private time you can play with my mind and tell me it’s OK and you’re alright.
Because you’re not and won’t ever be. And I don’t want to be any further down the road of my life with you beside me, even in thought. So, it’s official. In BCL style, you can simply go and fuck off!
Before it’s over, a few last points to make. If I hadn’t had this time to dive deep into reading, learning, talking, reflecting on what you are, I may too be sitting back without much thought about you in my life. And I see it clearly now, how you creep and lurk.
All negative words. Because that’s what you are. You are misplaced, misunderstood. The truth is you never were intended for any part of our bodies you touch. You wreak havoc in illness. I have lost the dearest of people to what I can attribute to your influence. I have nearly lost others. But you don’t know that … it wasn’t your fault.
You were dressed up and sold. Big companies pimp your essence. Governments don’t listen to the scientific facts. Of course, they should but they line their pockets too. Societies and culture. Well, like a religion they/ we were born unto your influence. Questioning your presence doesn’t always, nearly never, gets questioned before your insidious effect has us under your influence. To celebrate, commiserate, bond and fight.
People are wisely told never to regret parts of their life. I guess this is in the hope that regret can be balanced by gain instead from it. What’s been learnt instead. So, I don’t regret you. It wasn’t my fault either to know you, to include you in my life as I did. I mean, I forced myself to like you at the start, and society and culture encouraged me to try too. It was always my decision in the end, I take that.
But I say goodbye now. Happily, freely and I look forward to living my life being completely me. Always me. Consistently me. And I’ll work on the things I know I will have more access to because of it – my health, my energy, the peace in my life. And I’ll face the challenges that come my way with courage and honour that those challenges deserve.
I’ll give myself instead of you, to my relationships. My husband, the partner in this life of ours. And my kids … they will get the best of me because they need foundation. They deserve the best of that for this world of ours. I don’t ever want to look back and not to have given the love that I feel for them.
Instead of you, I’ll focus on me. My work, my life and those that I love and those in my life. I look forward to the times I don’t know yet. The joy that is yet to come. The best days that still are yet to happen. They will be better because I am giving all of myself … each day and night, each sleep, every waking morning … the best of me.
So, no more thinking of you lurking in the shadows for tomorrow’s goodbye. Your time is now. I am playing my story right forward and the sooner you’re gone the better.
Miranda
