May 20, 2024
The jokes on me … and there I thought you were supposed to be my friend!
Fiends are supposed to be trustworthy, honest, dependable, loyal, supportive and fun. Alcohol, I cannot trust you. You are a big fat liar.
Trustworthy and honest? You turned ME into a big fat liar. I lied to the people I love – about how deep your claws had got into me; drinking in private until I blacked out over, and over, and over, and over again. I had to hide the state of my finances that were wrecked because of you. I lied to my employer because of missed meetings and deadlines so I didn’t lose my job.
Dependable? I was unreliable because of you. I pretended I was sick so I didn’t have to go to functions when I was so hung over. I didn’t show up because I was sleeping off a hangover.
Loyal and supportive? You made me fat. I lost out on a husband and children during my best years because men don’t want to marry fat, drunk, obnoxious, messy women. You got me arrested. You embarrassed me all the time. You changed my moods and made me a bitch to be around. You put me in physical danger over and over again. You almost got me raped – twice. You humiliated me over and over again. You damaged my reputation. You harmed my dignity. I got injured because of you. I crashed my car because of you. I lost my front teeth because of you. I tried to kill myself because of you. I took drugs because of you. I had unprotected sex with strangers because of you. I lost my virginity to someone who did not deserve it because of you. I lost my way with my God because of you. You stood in the way of my destiny and strength.
Fun? Being dronkverdriet is not fun. Going to jail is not fun. Loosing your wallet / handbag / shoes / dignity / cell phone / pride is not fun. Having ‘the horribles’ after a week of debauchery is not fun. Doing the Walk of Shame is not fun. Being disorientated, getting pulled over by the cops or having to sleep in your car is not fun. Nor is alcohol poisoning, being sick, lonely, ruining relationships or having people point out that ‘you really should stop drinking’.
Alcohol, you were never my friend. You never had my best interests at heart. Your only goal was to deceive me; to destroy me; to seduce me and to lie to me. I can’t believe I used to see life without you as an impossibility. Continuing with you in my life is an impossibility. I am striking back. I am going to be fit, strong and lean. I am going to be a happier, healthier me. I am going to be the best version of myself – all without you in it.
Good bye. You are not welcome back.
PS: and I have wizened up to your deceitful little trick – there’s no such thing as ‘just having one’ on a ‘special occasion’ because ‘what harm can that do’!?! Next time, it could kill me. Now fuck off and leave me alone.
Kind regards,
Laura
